I was going to write about my first time. I really was. But to be honest I don't feel much like writing about sex today. I usually do, I think it is the one thing that gets people going universally. If you offer a soldier the option to shoot their worst enemy or fulfill their greatest fantasy, something tells me they would choose the latter. then again I am not really well versed in the art of war or killing of enemies. So I guess I cant really say. I just know that I would always choose sex over war. Anyway, I dont really feel like discussing war or sex.
You see, today a dear friend of mine lost her mother. She died of a rare disease. A year ago her mother was a healthy loving mother of three. today she is gone. In the last year this horrible degenerative disease that affects one in a million people caught hold of her body and killed her. So, today I cannot think about anything but that. Death, memory, passing on, missing someone. When tragedies happen, people often look for faith or religion. God has a plan, or all this is in the hands of God. But for me, these are the hardest times to believe in God, and religion has no meaning to me when someone is so prematurely robbed of their lives. I am a spiritual person, i believe in Karma, and peace and universal love, and I believe there are other forces at work other than rational human thought, and you can call that Jesus or Allah or Krishna, I dont care, but I do believe we are brought together by some higher power. But all this is so questionable when talking about tragic death. I dont really want this to be about religion I am just trying to find the answer to quell the hurricane in my heart, this ever weaving of sadness and hurt. And the truth is, I am not sure that I have the answer, actually I am not sure anyone does.
I once had my heart broken and was so quickly stripped of this person in my life that it felt like they had died. And I did nothing to deserve it. I remember feeling like I was going to throw up all the time. Nothing felt good, food lost all taste, every smile was fake, I found myself floating through this world disconnected from everything around me. And you know what? Soon, well not that soon, but after a while, I got better. Time went by and I started feeling ok again. So, I think that time really is a healer. People really can move on, Life does really go on and on and on. That's it, time helps heal. Feelings of sadness and loneliness give way and the memories that made us laugh push forward through the drunken fog of remorse, because no one can take memories away from you. they are safe, formed in the very glue that bonded them to your heart, stuck, like the good kind of stuck. And that, there in the memory of your loved one is where your happiness will lie, that is where you will always find your cuddle on a cloudy day, or your long talk over hot chocolate, or your kiss in the rain, or your mothers arms holding you through the night, while the whole world called you ugly.
I am not sure that anyone will ever come here and read this, I hope they do. Actually now that I am famous, a lot of people will probably read this. Either way if you do, please take this day to remember how lucky we are to be alive. Use this abundance of life to spread love, kindness and peace.
Contrary to my brother's belief that I am writing a blog to get laid, I just have to say, I am not.